My little reptile friend was racking his brains trying to give me the right answer. At least it seemed so. After an hour or two, I was about to lose my patience. Not that I was getting mad at the tortoise: after all, unlike me, it didn’t have such a highly developed brain. In other words, it was a pretty stupid piece of desert shit.
On the other hand, the tortoise was my friend, and I had to accept it as it was, even if it’s dumber than dirt, because that is what real friendship is all about. Your buddy is a clinical idiot, and not only do you love him with all you heart, but you never even think about him / her / it in such denigrating terms: stupid, dumb or clinical idiot.
That being said, while this reptile was trying to provide me with the right answer, I was losing time. Every lost second could cost my kidnapped love her life. Should I urge the tortoise to think faster? Should I threaten it, beat it to death? Shoot the bastard in the face? What a delicate balance one has to maintain dealing with a dear friend.
And then another problem: I had been hiding in the desert since what went down in the pub, and hadn’t eaten in days. Tortoises, I’ve heard, are tasty, especially in soup. I had never in my life eaten a tortoise soup; hence the situation looked like a unique opportunity. But isn’t it a little disproportionate — killing a dear friend to cook and subsequently eat? Just a little bit? What would you have felt, I asked myself, if this particular friend of yours would kill you, make soup of you and eat it? Would you be grateful post-mortem?
Hell, no way. You do not eat your friends, I told myself, no matter how stupid and / or tasty they are. Control yourself; hold on no matter the hunger pangs! Be nice and let your friend live. After all, it’s the only friend that didn’t betray you. Then allow it a chance to betray, whereupon nothing will keep you from making delicious yet healthy tortoise bisque.
With this joyful thought I stood up and decided to stroll to make a couple of photos of the environs. Why not; give the tortoise a fair chance of betraying you, or answering the question upon which your entire Quest depends.
TO BE CONTINUED
